I Am Not Going To The Damned Funeral!

I am sorry to hear about the sudden passing of your Aunt Perisiphyllis. It is never easy to lose someone you have been so very close to. I completely understand and you have my sincerest condolences and sympathy.


But I absolutely did not know your aunt personally. I don’t remember ever speaking with her, writing to her, getting a letter from her or anything like that at all. She was a total stranger to me and I definitely do not feel like jumping on a plane and flying for four hours to attend the funeral.

And, I am not about to come out there in a private jet because, as you know, a private jet costs upwards of a Thousand dollars or more per hour to operate once you buy the fuel, pay the crew and all the rest of it.

I will be more than happy to send flowers or a few dollars to help with expenses if you want but try to understand that no matter how many times you try to remind me who Aunt Perisyphyllis was, I still have no idea of who she really was.

You know I am a caring person but I have to tell you that it is getting a little bit annoying now for you to keep on calling me and texting me about this funeral because I have already explained my reasons for not going and now there are other family members trying to put the pressure on me about it and I have to say again … stop it! It is annoying!

I do not understand why it is so damned important for me to be at this remembrance of a deceased loved one that I never communicated with, never knew personally, never received the first communication from.

The deal is that if people want other people to be their friends and relatives then they have to at least communicate with one another from time to time.

I already have far too many people who call me “Friend,” “Cousin” or “Dad” or whatever who go around living their lives completely oblivious to my very existence and the only time any of them ever reach out to me is when they want something from me.

I am sick of it.

Again, however, I am sorry for your loss.

Be satisfied with that!

2 thoughts on “I Am Not Going To The Damned Funeral!

  1. Luckily, my extended family does keep in touch. And I do still attend their funerals, more than ever these days, as I get older. It is generally the only reason I ever have to wear a suit and tie too.
    Best wishes, Pete.


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